We're not the same

Are you bossy, blunt and direct, perhaps a little chatty and the life of the party, or just the quiet, reserved type? If all the above doesn't describe you, maybe you're a bit nerdy, love your own company and being overly neat and organised. Wow, what a mouthful. No wonder we have a challenge getting along with each other!

The blunt and bossy, along with the chatty types are extroverts, while the stable and nerdy types are introverts. So how do we bridge the gap in society where we tend to have a short fuse and a diminished tolerance span? We always want everybody to understand our point of view and our way of thinking because after all; we're always right, aren't we?

As I teach my clients these basic fundamentals on character types via behavioural profiling, it becomes apparent to them why they have struggled to attain and maintain healthy relationships. Especially with their significant partner and/or children. 

How handy would it be to know what makes all the different character types tick? How life altering would all the interactions you share with others actually be? Think for a moment about the enormous benefits derived from strengthening your people skills in your job, family, friends, relatives new acquaintances. All these relationships can be significantly enhanced by simply having the knowledge in effectively dealing with people.

You know the drill-it's not what happens to us, rather, it's how we respond. Being truly mindful allows you to take a step back and think carefully before making any response. We all like to be treated with care, kindness and respect, so how about we react in this manner first. Perhaps then others will be happy and feel obliged to reciprocate in kind.

Unfortunately, texting and social media has taken away from our ability to be effective communicators. Personally, I always prefer to call people on the phone or to meet with them. This way I'm able to pick up on the subtle inflections in ones voice in terms of tonality, volume, softness, etc, or the undeniable meaning in their body language and eye contact. 

Developing good rapport, along with powerful communication skills and an understanding of the major character types is an absolute must in today's world. This skill takes you a long way down the road to having and maintaining the harmonious relationships you've always wished for. 

When you're communicating with someone, ask yourself what outcome can i achieve that will be a true win-win for all concerned. When this is accomplished you have successfully created an atmosphere of trust, respect and understanding. Now we all want that-don't we?

Till next time

Your Mindfulness Coach

Jim Demetriou

0401 333093

Where are you heading?

Would you ever get into your car and just sit there wondering where you're going to go? Of course not. we all know beforehand exactly where we want to go and even use our navigational systems to get us there if needed.

It astounds me though how many adult clients I speak to who simply live day by day without any meaningful plan for their future. They merely exist day to day, go to work, then come back home and repeat this process day after day, week after week, year after year. This causes them to feel unhappy and unfulfilled in life and then to question their purpose in life. 

When I look at their overall life in a holistic sense, they have a high level of dissatisfaction in a number of important areas. We all tend to have similar priorities such as career, finances, health and well-being, fun and recreation, our relationships with family and friends, our relationship with a significant partner, spirituality and personal growth and development.Many of my clients rate poorly in some, or most of these important areas of life, simply due to not having a plan on how to attain worthwhile outcomes and therefore, a good level of satisfaction. 

When we stop to think for a moment, we can begin this process of setting a realistic plan of action in order to bring more happiness and meaning to our lives. No-one ever sets out to deliberately fail but somehow life gets in the way and we allow ourselves to drift and little by little, we go way off course and in a totally different direction than we intended.

Have an idea of what you want and how you might get there and hence achieving your desired outcomes. Get serious about who you need to become in order to attain exciting goals instead of feeling helpless, overwhelmed and giving in to the daily grind of a mediocre existence.

Our mind will focus on exactly what we think about. Once we begin to feed our mind with positive thoughts, an exciting vision for the future, a plan of action and a clearly defined set of goals, you have a very powerful force working to bring whatever you want to fruition.

In this modern age of information and technology, we have access to computers and a variety of resources. Not to mention, professional people with a variety of skills, who can also help you any of your needs; hence, answers are everywhere. Do some research and seek solutions to any of the challenges that you may be facing right now.

Our children will also model our attitudes and behaviours, good or bad. How will they thrive effectively at school, have confidence, or work towards a desirable future full of excitement, fulfillment, joy and happiness, when we allow them to see and experience the very opposite through us-every day! I often say to my son that the students who do best at school are not necessarily the 'brainiest or smartest'. Moreover, they tend to be the students who diligently work everyday and have a system and order in the way they do things.  

Till next time 

Your Mindfulness Coach

Jim Demetriou (0401 333093)

What type of day do you want to have?

When driving my son Arthur to school one morning I decided to ask him a very simple question. You see our drive in peak hour traffic was going to be at least 15-20 minutes, so Arthur was a captive audience in the back seat and I had his undivided attention. 

'Arthur have you decided what sort of day you're gong to have today'?, I asked. At the time he was only 8 so it was quite a thought provoking question for someone so young. I noticed him through my rear vision mirror in deep thinking mode and then he responded with another question in return: 'what sort of question is that dad'?

'Well Arthur, have you chosen whether you are going to have a calm, gentle, sad, angry, happy or exciting day'? Without thinking Arthur immediately responded with 'I've chosen to have a happy day dad. What else would I choose but happy'?

Arthur had simply made a decision that his day was going to be a happy and positive one. Sometimes as parents we just assume that our kids are capable of making these distinctions about their mindset. However, like everything else, we need to teach and explain to them that they have the power to decide everyday with regards to what state of mind they can have. It's all a choice.

The lesson here is that we must continually communicate with our children and check in to determine where their mindset is at. 

I also recall one particular morning when Arthur was dressed and ready for school. He came into our bedroom and said 'I'm feeling frail today'. I immediately checked to see if he was experiencing any headaches, tummy pains, or any other physical pain. He replied to any of the above. It was unusual for him to complain so I took him seriously. My quick response to him was 'Arthur you can choose to feel frail, or you can choose to feel energetic and excited about your day, which one would you like to choose'? Thankfully he replied with excited and energetic. My wife and I haven't heard anything more about the word frail ever since.

At the time, I could have dismissed his claim of frailty as a means of trying to stay home from school and replied with a more harsh tone. Alternatively, I could have also acted like a doting parent and molly coddled him and tell him to take off his uniform, get back into bed and take it easy for the rest of the day. Being harsh, or molly coddling our children isn't the answer as it sends the wrong message and doesn't allow for the development of 'behavioural muscle'. Remember we all choose our attitude, behaviour and of course, what type of day we want to have. Therefore, choose wisely.

Till next time 

Your Mindfulness Coach

Jim Demetriou (0401 333093)

how to be happy